The Heinous Pink Cosmetic Bag
by Rea2
Summary: Robin finds himself in an embarassing situation!


Title: The Heinous Pink Cosmetic Bag  
  
Author: Rea  
  
Summary: a challenge response from the YJ board.  
  
Disclaimer: DC owns everything. I just steal 'em once in a while.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
The Heinous Pink Cosmetic Bag  
  
By Rea  
  
  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"Double whoa."  
  
"Super whoa."  
  
Three stunned male faces gaped at the hot pink cosmetics bag abandoned on the gym floor. They loomed over the bag, each waiting for the other to reach down and retrieve the discarded article.  
  
"You think its safe to touch?"  
  
The taller of the three cracked his knuckles nervously. "I dunno, but we should find out, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Right."  
  
Silence, then: "So, who's gonna do it?"  
  
Two sets of eyes blinked expectantly at the suddenly uncomfortable teen with the opaque lenses.  
  
"Rob?"  
  
Robin cringed. "Why me?"  
  
"You're the leader."  
  
"So? That doesn't mean I should have to touch.." he pointed at the bag. "That."  
  
"But now's our chance to figure out how the girls tick!"  
  
"Fine, then you pick it up."  
  
Kon shook his head vehemently. "No way. The Kid is not a pervert."  
  
"So it's okay to make me a pervert by picking up the bag?"  
  
"Ummm, yeah."  
  
"I don't think so." Robin crossed his arms and did his best impersonation of the bat. "You pick it up." The growl was so real, Bart and Kon both took a step back. "Because I am not a pervert!"  
  
"Well I'm not either!"  
  
"Me neither." Bart piped in, though he honestly didn't see how picking up a cosmetic bag made him a pervert. "Let's get Slobo to pick it up."  
  
"NO!" Robin glanced fearfully about. "We so do not want him getting involved in this."  
  
"Involved in what? It's just a bag."  
  
"Not just a bag, Bart." Kon pointed to the heinous pink plastic and shuddered. "It's a girl's bag. There could be...stuff in it."  
  
"Of course there would be." Bart rolled his eyes. "Everyone needs to brush their teeth."  
  
"Yes, but girls also carry other things." Robin gulped as remembered the night he'd helped Spoiler restock her utility belt. "Like.." his voice dropped to a whisper. "Tampons and birth control."  
  
Kon turned pale. Bart just looked confused. "How'd you know that?"  
  
"My girlfriend."  
  
Kon's eyes suddenly perked up. "Birth control?" Robin blushed as realized what he'd said.  
  
"Dude, are you and Spoiler doing the dirty?"  
  
"No!" Feeling himself turn red, Robin prayed Bart wouldn't ask what doing the 'dirty' meant. "She takes it for her face."  
  
True to form, Bart frowned. "What's doing the dirty?"  
  
"Never mind, Bart." Robin stared pointedly at Kon. "We're not doing 'it'."  
  
"So you're telling me you're dating a chick with pimples, then."  
  
"NO! She's very attractive." God this was not happening. Robin knew he had to save himself without looking like a bonehead. "But like all teenagers, she's prone to some acne from time to time."  
  
"So use face cream."  
  
"She does, but she says the birth control is great for the complexion, plus it saves her space in her utility belt because she doesn't need to carry condoms." He winced. Way to go chowder head. "Um..forget I said that."  
  
  
  
"So, she takes the birth control because she has too!" Kon was nearly crowing. "Cuz if she didn't she'd need condoms because someone here is doing the dirty with her!"  
  
"Whats 'doing the dirty?' Bart demanded again, getting impatient. Questioning eyes turned to Robin. "Are you two playing in the mud or something?"  
  
"They're doing something all right." Kon chortled. swivelling his hips, he made an obscene gesture. "They're doing it all night long! No wonder you like to work at night!"  
  
"Stop it! We are not doing IT!" Robin couldn't believe this was happening. He shoulda just picked up the damned cosmetic bag. "She doesn't really need the birth control! It's just a precaution, okay!"  
  
"Right, a precaution against you!"  
  
"Guys, what's doing the dirty?"  
  
"You're the one always chasing girls, Kon!" Robin ignored Bart's question. "I am not that hormonal!"  
  
"Robin's hormonal?" Robin stifled a whimper as the girls entered the gym. Wonder Girl stared expectantly between the boys. "Since when?"  
  
"I dunno, we'll have to ask Spoiler." Kon grinned and elbowed Robin in the ribs. "She's the one taking birth control."  
  
The whimper escaped as Cassie's jaw dropped. "Oh my god! Robin, you're having sex?"  
  
"Is that what doing the dirty means?" Bart's jaw dropped with Cassie as he processed this new bit of information. "Wow. Robin's a sex fiend!"  
  
"I am not! You've got it all wrong." Robin buried his face in his hands. "I'm not doing it with anyone!" He peeked through his fingers. "Really."  
  
"Of course not." Kon waggled his brow.  
  
"Whatever you say, mon." Empress looked sceptical.  
  
"And here I had ya pegged as gay." Slobo gave a thumbs up. "Way ta fraggn' go, birdboy."  
  
Robin wondered when he'd lost control of the situation . Just as he was about to batarang himself, a door slammed.  
  
"There it is!" The Ray waltzed into the room with an air of oblivion to the state of his teammates. Marching to the centre of the gym, he leaned over to retrieve the pink cosmetic bag from the floor. "I've been looking everywhere for this." Grinning broadly, he tucked the bag under his arm and waltzed back out, humming "What a Wonderful World.".  
  
Six faces stared incredulously after him .  
  
"Did that just happen?"  
  
"That couldn't have been his bag."  
  
"Fraggn' fairy. Who uses a hot pink sissy colour like that?"  
  
"I think we should re-evaluate his membership."  
  
"That guy's gonna give us a bad rap." Kon shook his head. "I can't believe we were gonna route through his bag!"  
  
Relieved everyone had forgotten about him, Robin took the opportunity to melt into the all concealing shadows and beat a hasty retreat back to Gotham.  
  
As everyone finished venting over the awkwardness of hot pink cosmetic bags, Bart frowned.  
  
"Since he picked it up, does that make him a pervert?"  
  
Kon just groaned.  
  
The End 


End file.
